As I sit here and watch the beautiful countryside go by, I'm in a reflective mood.
Did you know that you can build up so much anxiety about things and when they finally come to a halt or fruition, your body literally goes into free fall tiredness, as it no longer knows what it needs to do or think. The built up of a situation, is so consuming and when you start to unload and unburden the mind and let go, your body finally says SLEEP.
For weeks I've had two or three hours sleep every day, brain churning, some of it paranoia or over reacting. I guess (I know keep mentioning it), but when you kick alcohol you go into shock or your body does. So dramatically is dangerous I'm told, but I've had no adverse reactions bar the extra pounds, which I'm not happy about, but I'd rather fight to lose the weight, the lose the fight of life. My family needs me.
So, I laid my ghosts to rest and cleared my conscience over the weekend. I watched karma upon karma and felt euphoria, even if it were for 3 hours, but what goes around comes around. I got my mojo back and stood my ground, held my head high and it felt great to party the night away sober, in control and couldn't give a rats arse about nothing. 1st time in 4 years I let go.
I got back to my hotel and my buddy and I sat up talking til the wee hours of the morning about, life, love and music. She's so amazing my friend an entrepreneur, a counsellor, a doer, positive and more importantly beautiful inside and out. Without this girl, I couldn't have made it through my journey, in the last 7 months.
Every hospital appointment, she made sure I had support, every non drink she applauded, every new song I wrote she commented, the honesty is boundless.
Which brings me to the support I have tried to give back as a friend and advisor, with her new business successfully kicked off this weekend back in Manchester, we whooped it up with pints of Iced Water and looked pretty stunning in our cocktail dresses.
We didn't get much sleep, almost missed my coach, seeing that got to bed at 6.30am and had to be awake by 9am. Man I made it to the coach station with 2 minutes to spare before it left!!! I'm on my way back to London Town, watching the trees and reflecting on the events that unfolded around me, whilst I danced, laughed, and be me, (no drama, but the odd ridiculous hating stares), I saw first hand the sadness others had to now endure as What they had done to others was now being done to them.
The devil on my left shoulder chuckled in a raucous shudder and 😈 the Scorpio in me revealled in The unhappiness. I felt no remorse. And I will continue not to. But it closed in my life a chapter that brought me nothing but resentment.
I try not to resent but wish every one happiness. The belief in myself is back as I knew I did no wrong, but allowed outside influence to slightly dent my solid armour. The goodness I have tried give over the years and never once asked for anything back I hope will be remembered one day and that it will prick those people who tried deliberately to discredit me, so they could or try to have what I don't have. I'm a humble girl and will never forget that. I was tested, dug deep and have come through, (baby steps mind you), to turned this corner. I've watched the doubters and morons but most importantly I now just watch myself. As the saying goes, it's great to be right and stay Silent. My journey continues and I hope this blog lets people know never give up on yourself. It's ok to say no!!
Happy Mother's Day you gorgeous female creatures.
Over and out have a smashing sunny Sunday, hope you put those clocks forward. I'm getting home for some well earned sleep.
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