Bought Love
As I sit with tears rolling down my face, an epiphany hit me. Why am I crying? Why was I so mad with life and people? Why didn't trust come so easy? How come I can be understanding to others why are they not understanding of me and then in the long run they poop all over me?
As I poured my glass of Apple juice without the Jack Daniels at 0830am, as that is what my breakfast at one time became, it hit me, You are where you are cause you have Always Bought Love.
The story goes; I met my ex husband in a party. I was naive and loved the buzz of the night life. Back then it was like late nigh/early morning parties and I was wayyy too young to even be in these parties, but hey I was being rebelious and the excitement of all these DJ's, great music and glamourous people turned my head.
Let me go deeper. I was a staunch christian, from a decent church upbringing. A child singer prodigy in church. Clapping hands and praising God. My Grandmother, was so superstitious and as I grew with her she rubbed off on me. But without her insight I would not be here to day. Anyway, she taught me to be aware of my surroundings and not have boys in my life. 'They are no good', she'd say. ' Umm Gran, then how did you have my mum?'. Followed by a sharp slap with the wooden spoon on my arms. 'Shut up and dont be feisty'. hahahahahahah.
So boys were never around when growing up. I had admirers upon admirers, but was so blind to see them, as I was taught to be single minded and go for what I want not what is chasing me.
That was 15yrs old, by the way.
I'll go deeper, my mother had me when she was young, 16 in fact and we lived across the road to my Grandmother. When I say we, I mean my three brothers and one other sister. But I lived with my Grandmother across the road. My mum @ number 24 and me with my Nan at Number 36. How messed up is that?
I know, I thought that too, but at the time too young to even realised what the hell was going on!
I recall at the age of around 4yrs old, I remember my Grandmother getting me dressed and the door knocks. She leaves me unattended and answers the door. I laid on the bed but heard her voice raised and saying to the caller. 'Do not come back here ever again, we do not want to see you' I rolled off the bed, but by the time I could peep through the door I could only see the back of this man walking away solemnly.
To be Continued.....
