Letter to let go.

I find I'm still in love with you. I needed to say this to you and out loud, to control my energy & power of who I am  & To stop the tight cock holding thoughts of you for one more night. Please read this with Love. 

I'm not going to fight it anymore, because admitting it will allow me to continue to grow and not lie to myself or another, who ARE in love with me, but them knowing I still loved YOU.  

To stop hating you for rejecting me, I can let go that pain as I say these words to set me free. 

I'm not ashamed to tell you, as we are human and I know that you don't love me, but enjoy playing how many of us women you can get to like you.  I don't want to be in love with you, but I do know I don't want you back. 

I was and am still jealous your with someone else, but I genuinely am happy for you both, what I hate is your arrogance of whom you've become, cause I know the real you and that is a real turn off. I'm still your friend and will always love you and wish you well. 

The Attention for you I can now finally turn off, as I admitted the demon and can move on. I know you found me a joke. I hope these last words resonate with kindness and not ignorance and kissing of teeth. We're from two different worlds and especially how we feel love, I guess you'll never understand. I hope one day you'll get that I was the one. 💜💜💕💕💋🙏🏾

Like yourself first. 

WHY THE F#%K AM I HERE

It's been a while since I blogged but This week I faced up to a demon and it felt good. I was able to tell my ex that it was ok to still love him, but as a friend and could never want him back again. He laughed at me and has condescendingly responded with a kiss. 

It was a great feeling for me, how he took it, I don't really care. He's with others now, but for me it was great to put that demon to bed. To acknowledge how I felt but I could leave him to it and move. So liberating. 

There's nothing wrong with loving someone who hurt you, even when they continue to laugh at you, but the joke is on them. 

Never let anyone make you feel worthless. In the past I'd be angry, but now I feel pity and pity his partner too, as god only knows what's to come, when she finds out he still wants to play away from home. 

I found it creepy and distasteful when we briefly spoke, asking if I loved him and how he remembered our bedroom antics. I almost puked. 

I don't remember none of it, as he wasn't that memorable to be honest. 

I love writing, talking and now my book is in it's second instalment, I'm looking forward to telling what really happened from my side of the fence and how habitually i abused my life, then turned it around. 

I had to finally be honest to my new partner that I still loved my ex, I had to say it out loud and the power it gave me to stop the cheating and rejection pain, was enormous but such a relief. 

We've said we want to maintain a friendship, but I don't and he's decided that he is now on the up and I'm old news. That's ok, you can't keep people down even when you know their really a clown. 

Music brought us together and I started to hate music because of him, but it wasn't him, it was myself I hated for being duped by a, no good, worthless bum. It's ok, he knows I call him that and more. 

We've had some ding dongs, in the past ha lool but safe to say, those are memories no more. 

The pages of my book, brought tears today, I got an outsider to read some of the chapters and they cried too. A man I might add,  because he wished he was there for me when I was being mistreated and felt it was unfair. 

I thank my friend for the advice he shared and I hope my book will inspire and let people know never be afraid, even when in pain. 

Valerie M